The Trouble with Disposable Underwear

Recently, during our family text, we mentioned to each other that Mom was using the bathroom frequently, and that she would make a point of always going before we would venture out into the world. We also noticed that her laundry basket rarely had used underwear included. Something was amiss, and she kyboshed any attempts at discussion. Since we are aware that incontinences is one of the symptoms of later stage Alzheimer’s, we decided that it might be helpful for her to have disposable underwear. I removed her stash of underwear from her drawer and replaced it with Depends. Not a word was said by Mom about the exchange.

A few weeks later, during a scheduled meeting with the director, my sister and I told her about the underwear change. At the director’s suggestion, we agreed to subscribe to their disposable underwear program, so that Mom would always be provided with supplies. When I went to visit, I saw her first delivery and was horrified.

When I checked in two weeks later, most of the Depends were still stored in the drawer. I asked her, “Was she changing her underwear? Was anyone assisting her with changing?” She was mortified and insulted that I brought up such a personal subject. She told me that she didn’t require any assistance, and she could change her own underwear, thank you very much. In later weeks, I noticed that she still had a large quantity of supplies, and that used Depends were ending up in odd places: on the edge of the sink counter, in the laundry basket, even in her antique chamber pot. So, I figured that she didn’t know exactly what to do with the soiled pants. And maybe that’s why she seems to be using so few.

My sister suggested that I designate a wastebasket and create a sign. At first Mom was skeptical of this sign, and said she didn’t want disposable underwear. She didn’t realize she had been wearing disposable underwear or that underwear could be disposable- it was a foreign concept to her. After I explained that she wouldn’t have to worry about laundry by using disposable underwear, she agreed that they might be a good idea. . .

I am hopeful about the sign. I worry that she will get an infection if she doesn’t maintain good hygiene. Since she can’t remember new information, maybe the sign will let her know she is wearing disposable underwear. Maybe it will help her dispose of them. And, most of all, I hope the sign will alert whoever is assisting her at night or in the morning that she needs help with her underwear. It’s an uncomfortable subject to discuss with her because she is understandably protective of the dignity she still retains.