The Cooking Show

Each time I visit Mom’s Memory Care facility, I admire the Activity Board of daily activities listed in the main room. Usually, I just swoop in to take her out shopping or to lunch. The board reassures me that when I’m not around, she has plenty to do to keep her busy.  Looking back, I didn’t pay much attention to the fact that the living area was usually devoid of people and activities.  I vaguely thought the activities were happening elsewhere in the facility. However, as the Delta variant spread, I started to stay around the facility more and take Mom out less. 

A few days ago Mom and I were sitting out in the living room area waiting for an activity to start, but no one ever showed up.  When I asked one of the caregivers working on the computer nearby about the scrapbooking activity she gave me a sideways glance and told me that usually no there are no activities.

I went over to the whiteboard that stands boldly in the corner of the dining room filled with times and activities for the day.  I pointed to the calendar and asked if the exercise class and board games listed had happened earlier that day.  

 “No ma’am. They don’t really do any of the activities on that board,” she said. 

 “So, you are saying none of these activities on the board happen?” 

“I’m saying, rarely, do any of these activities happen.  Certainly not all of them. None have happened today,” replied the caregiver.

“Then why do they write them on the board?”

She shrugged, “To make it look like a lot is happening here I guess.  So that the families will be impressed. Most of the time the Activity Directors stay in their offices.”  

Thinking back, I remember only seeing one activity actually happen since Mom’s Memory Care reopened after Covid shutdown- a rousing sing-along to Frank Sinatra songs that had many of the residents happily participating as they waited for their evening supper.

 “Please find the Activities Director for me.”

The Activities Director came out of her office looking stressed.

“Hi,” I said.  “My mom and I were out here waiting for the scrapbooking activity.”

“Oh,” said the Director, “ We didn’t get the supplies for scrapbooking, so we can’t do it today.”

“Then why do you have it on the board?”

“We copy down the daily activities from the preprogrammed monthly calendar.”

“So, even though you write down these activities, you might not get them done?”

“Yes,” she said.  “Sometimes we are short staffed, so we can’t get all the activities done. “ 

“I understand that you didn’t do the BFit exercises or board games, but will you have any activities today?

“Yes, we have a cooking demonstration planned for 2:30.”

“Ok,” I said, “we are looking forward to that.”

The stressed out director left and came back about fifteen minutes later with a printed recipe for “Lemon Pasta.”  She then went to find a colleague.  Ten minutes later they started ushering residents from their rooms across to the kitchen/lunch counter area and set up chairs around for viewing. Mom and I sat down and watched as maybe fifteen residents joined us. Everyone looked pleased to be there and smiled at each other with anticipation.  We sat in a semi-circle of two rows, as though we were going to watch a play.

One of the staff members from the activities team hurriedly arrived with a grocery bag filled with various items and placed it on the kitchen counter.  She welcomed the group to the cooking lesson. She then suddenly disappeared into a room for several minutes, as we waited silently.  She came back laughing with three small pots, saying she would have to cook the pasta in these.  She put the water on to boil and began to unload her groceries.  She explained to the room that she had gone to culinary school and was going to demonstrate how to make the recipe. The residents looked interested. 

As the water boiled, the chef proceeded to chop garlic and inform the residents of the health benefits of adding garlic to their diet. She chopped the parsley and offered healthful and helpful hints about using parsley when cooking. All the while, she kept running back to the kitchen behind the closed doors looking for utensils and bowls, while we waited patiently. Every once in a while I would interject a comment, “I wonder where she went!”  “Smells good in here!” trying to get some conversation going during the awkward silence. 

Finally the chopping and prep was done. By this time 45 minutes had passed, and I counted three different residents napping.  Many looked around or whispered a bit with each other.  No one was interested, but still she lectured as she stirred the garlic into butter lemon sauce. She didn’t interact much with the group, just focused on describing her techniques. Occasionally Mom whispered comments to me that reverberated across the quiet room.

”I don’t think she knows what she’s doing.”“Why is this taking so long?” “Why are we all sitting here?”

Eventually the pasta was done, and the chef skillfully drained the pasta using the lids of the pans because she couldn’t find a colander.  After mixing in the sauce, the dish was done, and she proudly showed the results to the residents. They smiled politely. 

I found this “activity” ludicrous for people who would never be cooking pasta for themselves.  And some residents most likely had been cooking with garlic and parsley longer than the chef had been alive. She was not prepared with equipment, and the demonstration lasted way too long.  It seemed like it was a hastily conceived idea and showed no knowledge of people with dementia. What benefit could this activity have for people in Memory Care?   

People with dementia struggle to stay focused in the moment and expecting them to enjoy watching an hour long cooking demonstration where they sit and do not interact seems pointless. They need activities where they can move and interact, socialize, and create.  Activities need to stimulate connections in the lives of the residents, not create more passive situations. Above all, residents shouldn’t be asked to watch an uninspired and poorly produced demonstration about something they will never do themselves.

The finale of “The Cooking Show” was a small serving of pasta, however the chef had to hunt for bowls and forks. I jumped up to help but by the time we served the dish, it was cold and residents then were thirsty which incited a frantic look for cups, pitchers, a tray, etc. It was then four o’clock which was time for dinner. The residents got up, and moved placidly over to the dining room and sat down again.  I was so disappointed. 

I felt betrayed as I assumed that the people in charge are coaching their staff, observing and helping to ensure that my Mom gets the care she deserves which includes providing an enriching environment based on her current abilities. The chef is a nice person, doing what she could in the moment but it was not only a last minute and haphazard attempt to entertain, but an inappropriate activity for people with memory issues. 

People with dementia deserve well trained caregivers; administrators need to be coaching and inspecting what happens in Assisted Living/Memory Care. It’s not just about giving people a clean place to live, medicine, and food as these are the basics. Administrators need to be delivering on their promise of helping people live their best lives possible and daily activities are a crucial part of having a fulfilling life. Clearly, it’s up to the families to hold these professionals accountable. And that’s what we intend to do.