I was teaching 7th grade in March 2020, when Covid-19 hit. It happened so suddenly that on Monday our Superintendent was making jokes about this mysterious virus, and on Friday we shut down indefinitely. It was a bewildering and chaotic time, and we all seemed to believe that school would only be closed for a short time. We went home and hunkered down. I was relieved that my mom would be safe and cared for in her Memory Care facility.
But, then assisted living and nursing homes became superspreaders, and Mom’s facility was locked down. We talked about taking mom out, but no one in the family was equipped to take good care of her. So, we decided that she was still safest at her Memory Care.
What we didn’t know is that we wouldn’t be able to see her for over a year. It was almost a blessing that she had dementia because she didn’t realize there was a pandemic going on all around her, and she didn’t realize that she hadn’t been outside her building or seen her family in over a year. She took one day at a time, and we were grateful that the caregivers took good care of her. We talked to her on the phone and even tried a zoom call. She was very confused by the technology, but was happy to see us.
In December 2020, Mom got Covid, and she was moved to a more skilled nursing facility while she was sick. She slept a lot and had a stuffy nose and cough, but she weathered the virus well. Seven days later they moved her back to her home. All of this we learned by phone. When we talked to her, she didn’t recall any of it. Again, dementia was a gift for her- no anxiety about the pandemic, no fretting about getting sick, nor worrying about dying. She used to be our lead worrier about all perceived threats to health and well being, but Mom survived Covid-19 with flying colors.
In March 2021, we were allowed “window visits,” where Mom was inside and her visitors would sit outside. There was a microphone wire placed through the window so we could talk.
There were so many problems with this situation, but it was miraculous to actually see each other in person after so long. The windows had a glare that made it difficult for mom to see me well. And the microphone rarely worked. Also, the caregivers didn’t always remember to put Mom’s hearing aids in, so I did a lot of shouting. One time a caregiver hooked Mom up with a phone so we could talk better. I sat outside the window across from her on my phone. The problem was that she thought my sister was talking to her on the phone, not me.
She kept saying into the phone, “Allison, Karen is here visiting me.”
“No, mom this is Karen on the phone, not Allison. I am talking to you on my phone outside.”
“You want to talk to Allison, Karen?” My mother asked me across the window.
“No, Mom – You’re talking to me on the phone, not Allison. See me talking on my phone? It’s me talking to you!” I shouted.
“Yes, I see you outside the window. I am talking to Allison on the phone. Here, talk to her.”
And she held the phone up to the window, so I could talk to my sister. AGH.
I was frustrated, but she was happy to talk to both her daughters!
Our scheduled weekly window visits were only 15 minutes, but it was enough time for me to see that mom was actually healthy and living comfortably in her isolated community. And I was free to take care of myself.
Reckoning With Alzheimer's 