Mom has lived in a lovely assisted living/memory care facility for the past four years. You’d expect she was living at the Ritz Carlton since the fees are astronomical, and they rise every year. In reality though, the facility care provides only basic maintenance for the residents, and most facilities seem to be chronically understaffed. Luckily, our large family is able to oversee that mom is well cared for, healthy, and happy. We take mom to all doctor appointments, and a nearby beauty salon to have her hair and nails done. The toilet paper supplied is thin and scratchy, so my sister buys her Charmin. She also orders a monthly supply of chardonnay, so that mom can have a glass of wine with dinner, as well as a daily newspaper and multiple magazine subscriptions. And cases and cases of Kleenex. Mom has had hay fever her whole life and must have a glut of Kleenex around her at all times to feel secure.
We make sure her hearing aids are clean and the batteries work. When mom had gout in her foot and could hardly walk, we investigated and bought her the recommended orthopedic shoes. When mom was diagnosed with macular degeneration, my brother-in-law took her to the eye specialist and held her hand while they gave her a shot in the eye. In case she wants to pay for something if she is out with friends or family, she has her own checks and a credit card.
Our family also troubleshoots problems as they arise and is prepared to step in quickly. Recently, mom fell after dinner at her memory care and broke her arm. She was so frightened that she was shaking. Her caregivers called to tell us that she needed to go to the hospital, and they were going to call an ambulance. I was able to get there quickly and take her myself which eased her anxiety tremendously. Mom could certainly survive without all our support, but the added extras are important comforts, and contribute to her quality of life. Or as she says, “Makes me feel human.”
I realize how fortunate we are to have the funds and family to support mom. I can’ t even imagine how demanding supporting a loved one would be if there were little or no finances or family to help. I know that many caregivers must take on all these responsibilities alone. I have found several good support groups on Facebook where caregivers share stories and strategies. They also provide an understanding community where one can vent and find strength .
Reckoning With Alzheimer's 